Understanding the condition of my heart...after so long.

My must confess, it took me quite a while to get the hang of my second year. I began this new year stuffed up with alot of emotions. Everything happened so fast that i realised i didn't have time to think, to reflect. But after 3 weeks, i think i managed to understand why it took me so long. I even have a list to tell you.

1) I couldn't bear to leave the children in the childcare. I was upset that they were upset. I thought it was going to be alright since they've seen so many people come and go. But somehow i think they'll still be upset whenever somebody leaves.

2) I was quite apprehensive about my theatre module. It's hard to juggle with a theatre mod as it requires a huge investment in both time and effort. Though i must say that the past experience had been enriching, it was still tough.

3) I heard the death of two people. One was my old friend in my secondary schhol, the other is a relative of a friend. I was shocked. The news did affect me in ways i can't explain. Sometimes i ask God why, why did this have to happen? But the answer lies with Him and all i can do is to trust whatever He's doing.

4)Anticipating the news about Aussie. Hmm it's hard to describe this one. But oh well. ya.

5) My hotmail crashed on me. It's a stupid thing to get upset. But it can be quite frustrating.

All these were stuck or i should say trapped inside of me. I began my semester like that. I couldn't tell why i felt so uncomfortable at first. I thought it was PMS. Haha but no. It was a big ball of feelings that tied me down, that made me feel so lost, helpless and frustrated. Well, i must say that after 3 weeks of school, i'm finally getting the hang of things. Taking one step at a time. That's the only step. Yup. It's going to be a hectic sem, but i know that with God beside me, I can go through it.

I have to thank all my little girls. They cheer my up in ways nobody could. It's fun to be with them, hearing them out, talking to them. I realise my joy comes when I make others happy, when i spend time with poeple i love. Thank you Jesus for all these wonderful people. I pray that you'll bless them ever so abundantly.

The Burden

I don't know why I'm feeling like this. This feeling has been lingering since school started. Lord, I want to have your peace. I want to trust you. I pray that this is the right thing for me. Help me to hold on to your promises. Your strength is my source of comfort, my source of hope.

I want to have no regrets.

My Saviour My God

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands One who is my Savior

I take Him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For Him to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, but once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God He's always gonna be

Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior

That He would leave his place on High
And come for sinful men to die
You count it strange so once that I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, My God He is, My God He's always gonna be

My Savior lives, My Savior loves
My Savior lives, My Savior loves

Aaron Shust