Saying goodbye, thinking, and once again, the planning begins

Jenny left us on the 12 july. We went to the airport to say our final farewell. Honestly, I did teared abit on that day. It's like...how should I say this? I've known jenny since 2005, but I must say throughout this time I feel like I don't really know her. What I know her is by outward appearance...I've never known her in my heart. That's what made me teared. I felt like I didn't make the effort to know her inside out. I once made a declaration that Iwill love everybody in the world. I feel like I didn't love jenny enough, I wish I could go out more often with her, talk to her like best friends, like sisters. Perhaps it's the age gap that kept us apart. She's 6 years older than me. Saying goodbye is tough, but deep down inside I know that this is God's plan for her. Her life is in His hands and I'm comforted by that fact. Jenny, I just want to tell you that God loves you. He has a perfect plan for you so don't worry. Spend more time with your family ya? I'm sure they've missed you so much. Don't forget what you've learnt here in Singapore, don't forget the people here. Continue to walk in His ways. Come back whenever you have the time. I'll always remember you as that sweet, caring and loving darling. Thank you for everything jie jie. I love you.

Anyway, it's already the middle of july. Time really flies. My holidays are coming to an end. Bidding is going to start real soon, well it's then back to school again. I'm rather indifferent about going back to study. I feel like that there's so many things going on in my mind all the time. Sometimes I get frustrated over them. I know that I can pour out to God (and I did), it's just that, it's stiil there, deep deep down. I keep telling myself that I have to trust Him, that I CAN trust Him. But why do I still feel like I need to rely on my own strength? You know, people used to think that I'm a strong person. That though I can appear gentle on the outside, but inside it's like a solid rock. Yes it's true to a certain extend but it only happens because God is inside me. Whenever I choose to rely on my own strength, actually I'm very weak. I can breakdown easily(some of my friends had seen that side of me). I need to have faith. I need to know that there's a solid rock inside my heart that will never fail me. Yes, I may appear funny, crazy, smiling alot. But sometimes I cry quite alot when I'm alone.

Anyway, that's all I have today. Think I'll stop here. Just want to say to my family and friends, thank you for being there. You guys cheer me up even though you may not realise it. Thank you and I love you all.