This week plus the most special 10-11 dec!

We were watching Enchanted and Kung Fu Panda from the 'black box' when my mummy's phone rang. Everything went normal until a few seconds later my mummy screamed (abit) and came out of her room. We all stared at her. Yeah, somehow we knew that it was 'it'. The news that we have been waiting for. Well what happened after that was unexplainable. Haha. My mummy called my papa and when my brother came home we told him too.

The next few days seemed to be pretty normal though I know that this was in the back in all of our minds. Suddenly it doesn't seem like a fantasy anymore, it is real this time. On 10 dec(yesterday) we got an email, yup it was approved and it was finally officially given to us. Today morning (11th dec), I accompanied my papa to the embassy to collect it. And walla, it's done. All we have to do now is to wait for 6th Jan. The day we will make our first 'landing' to start it.

What will happen after all these I really don't know. I can't tell you yet. You will have to wait and see. I guess I just have to take 1 step at a time. But yeah, a part of ourselves now belong to that place...

You have never ever stopped showing me what You want me to see...And I don't want it to stop

Yes it's exam time, but somehow I feel like my heart is not really into exams. I feel like I'm more concern with so many other issues that You had shown me. It's been a roller coaster ride and I'm still lost in thoughts. There must be a reason why...there must be something that I can do and learn from all these. I guess it's on my part to still trust You and to follow whatever You want me to do. Oh, sometimes I wish I understand why You want me to go through all these, I wish I could understand or see things the way You would see them. How or what would You do. Won't You teach me? Sometimes I feel like it's way beyond what I can handle. But I know that if it is from You, then it's through You and only through You that I can do it.

What isit that You want me to do before You'll let me go? Will You ever let me go? I wish You would tell me. But I know that most of the times You would rather show me than tell me. If I have to touch one more life here then I would do it. If it is for me to finish what I was set out to do here, then I would do it. If it is for me to learn something before going then I would do it. I would do it if You said so....but I can't do it alone. I need You. I know that You will help me. Don't give me something beyond what I can handle.

How will this situation turn out? I know that You are in control...that's the only comforting thing that I can hold on to. You love your child, You won't let any of them go. I commit this issue into Your hands.

(What will you do? Who will you listen to? What will choose in the end? )

I want to choose to listen to the Voice of Truth...Your Voice...Only Yours...

How do the lost get found?

You say that you are His child, but are you faithfully dependable?
How do the lost get found?
It all starts with you.

Hello my friendI remember when you were
So alive with your wide eyes
Then the light that you had in your heart was stolen
Now you say that it ain't worth stayin'
You wanna run but you're hesitatin'
I'm talkin' to me

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out'
Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found

So when you get the chance
Are you gonna take it?
There's a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it
There's a girl on the streets, she's cryin'
There's a man whose faith is dyin'
Love is calling you

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out'
Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found

Why do we go with the flow
Or take an easier road?
Why are we playin' it safe?
Love came to show us the way
Love is a chance we should take
I'm movin' out of the way

Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out'
Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe(Stand out)
Don't let your lights go down
Don't let your fire burn out(Stand out)
'Cause somewhere, somebody needs a reason to believe
Why don't you rise up now?
Don't be afraid to stand out
That's how the lost get found
The lost get found

So when you get the chance
Are you gonna take it?
There's a really big world at your fingertips
And you know you have the chance to change it

Britt Nicole

DEAR JESUS...

Bring me through this sem Lord. I pray for your strength and protection not just for me, but for my family, all my friends in school who are also very stressed up. May you watch over us forever :)

What would I say...What would You say...

If I can stop time to think, just think about what's happening around me what would I say...
If I have 1 more day to see all of you, what would I say...
If I have to start all over with just Him and my family with me, what would I say...
If all I know will go away, what would I say...
If I'm living this life for You, what would I say...
If You say "No", what would I say...
If You say "Don't worry, it'll be alright, just trust me", what would I say...
If I have to conquere my fears and do the things that I'm afraid of, what would I say...
If You tell me that You'll be forever by my side, what would I say...
If I can turn back time and live today again, what will I do? What will I say...
If I have to do this to help someone, what would I say...
If you come and ask me, what would I say...
If You tell me to wait, what would I say...
If this is my last day on before going back, what would I say...

If I tell You that I'm afraid of this, what would You say...
If I tell you that this is my last month to be with all of you, what would you say...
If I can't walk this journey all by my myself, what would You say...
If I tell You that I only want to please You, what would You say...
If I tell you I'm sorry, what would you say...
If I walk out of this, what would you say...
If I can see You everyday, what would You say to me...
If I'm already there, what will you show me? What will you say...
If I choose the other path, what would you say to me...
If I tell You "thank you", what would you say...

Understanding the condition of my heart...after so long.

My must confess, it took me quite a while to get the hang of my second year. I began this new year stuffed up with alot of emotions. Everything happened so fast that i realised i didn't have time to think, to reflect. But after 3 weeks, i think i managed to understand why it took me so long. I even have a list to tell you.

1) I couldn't bear to leave the children in the childcare. I was upset that they were upset. I thought it was going to be alright since they've seen so many people come and go. But somehow i think they'll still be upset whenever somebody leaves.

2) I was quite apprehensive about my theatre module. It's hard to juggle with a theatre mod as it requires a huge investment in both time and effort. Though i must say that the past experience had been enriching, it was still tough.

3) I heard the death of two people. One was my old friend in my secondary schhol, the other is a relative of a friend. I was shocked. The news did affect me in ways i can't explain. Sometimes i ask God why, why did this have to happen? But the answer lies with Him and all i can do is to trust whatever He's doing.

4)Anticipating the news about Aussie. Hmm it's hard to describe this one. But oh well. ya.

5) My hotmail crashed on me. It's a stupid thing to get upset. But it can be quite frustrating.

All these were stuck or i should say trapped inside of me. I began my semester like that. I couldn't tell why i felt so uncomfortable at first. I thought it was PMS. Haha but no. It was a big ball of feelings that tied me down, that made me feel so lost, helpless and frustrated. Well, i must say that after 3 weeks of school, i'm finally getting the hang of things. Taking one step at a time. That's the only step. Yup. It's going to be a hectic sem, but i know that with God beside me, I can go through it.

I have to thank all my little girls. They cheer my up in ways nobody could. It's fun to be with them, hearing them out, talking to them. I realise my joy comes when I make others happy, when i spend time with poeple i love. Thank you Jesus for all these wonderful people. I pray that you'll bless them ever so abundantly.

The Burden

I don't know why I'm feeling like this. This feeling has been lingering since school started. Lord, I want to have your peace. I want to trust you. I pray that this is the right thing for me. Help me to hold on to your promises. Your strength is my source of comfort, my source of hope.

I want to have no regrets.

My Saviour My God

I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed, what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands One who is my Savior

I take Him at his word and deed
Christ died to save me this I read
And in my heart I find a need
For Him to be my Savior

That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, but once did I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, my Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, my God He is
My God He's always gonna be

Yes, living, dying; let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior

That He would leave his place on High
And come for sinful men to die
You count it strange so once that I
Before I knew my Savior

My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God He was, My God He is, My God He's always gonna be

My Savior lives, My Savior loves
My Savior lives, My Savior loves

Aaron Shust

Wrapping up the experience at Lakeside...

First of all, I want to say the biggest THANK YOU to all the little ones in Lakeside Before and After School Day Care!! Thank you to all the teachers as well! These past two months had been awesome and I really considered myself very blessed to know such a place. Yes, we met the President today. Haha, the kids were super excited about it, many of them were meeting him for the first time. For me, it's just that one last day with them, so just thought of accompanying them on this trip. Yeah, it's amazing. Saying goodbye was a little difficult. I know that many of them are sad to see jeanna and myself leave. I just want to praise God for using me to be a blessing, to impart something in the kids life. I know that they will grow up to be great men and women of God. Praise God for all the teachers and Hwee Chin as well. Their unconditonal love, time and effort for the kids are fantastic! Even auntie lina derserved to be priase as well! (Man, I'm going to miss her food).

Being in Lakeside for the past two months had taught me to treasure life more. To lean on God's strength. Men's strength are too little to make an impact. The children there deserve so much more and sometimes I feel like there's nothing I can offer. Nothing that I can do to take away their pain, nothing that I can do to change their lives. Only God can. All I can do is to show them love and joy everytime I'm there. Father, protect them, watch over them and bless them. Bless the teachers too for they too are holding on to you. Only you can change them God. Gosh, I so feel like crying now. I thought that this farewell is going to easy, but they made it so difficult for me. Many gave me presents, hugs, and final play time before I left. I spent my final 1 hour taking pictures with them and carrying all of them. Haha. Fun yet sad. I will miss them. The memories that I have will be deep in my heart.

From the very first day I stepped into the centre till the day I leave, there was never a moment that I've felt sorry about it.

Darlings, jie jie jia yee just want to you that I love each and everyone of you so much. I will come back when I'm free. Be good to the teachers and your parents. Listen to them. Don't always make them angry ya? Study hard in school. You guys all deserve so so much more. Hold on to God's promises. I pray that oneday you all will come to know Him. Take good care of yourselves, look after each other. Promise me that you all will have a bright future. god bless you and I will miss you dearly.

Saying goodbye, thinking, and once again, the planning begins

Jenny left us on the 12 july. We went to the airport to say our final farewell. Honestly, I did teared abit on that day. It's like...how should I say this? I've known jenny since 2005, but I must say throughout this time I feel like I don't really know her. What I know her is by outward appearance...I've never known her in my heart. That's what made me teared. I felt like I didn't make the effort to know her inside out. I once made a declaration that Iwill love everybody in the world. I feel like I didn't love jenny enough, I wish I could go out more often with her, talk to her like best friends, like sisters. Perhaps it's the age gap that kept us apart. She's 6 years older than me. Saying goodbye is tough, but deep down inside I know that this is God's plan for her. Her life is in His hands and I'm comforted by that fact. Jenny, I just want to tell you that God loves you. He has a perfect plan for you so don't worry. Spend more time with your family ya? I'm sure they've missed you so much. Don't forget what you've learnt here in Singapore, don't forget the people here. Continue to walk in His ways. Come back whenever you have the time. I'll always remember you as that sweet, caring and loving darling. Thank you for everything jie jie. I love you.

Anyway, it's already the middle of july. Time really flies. My holidays are coming to an end. Bidding is going to start real soon, well it's then back to school again. I'm rather indifferent about going back to study. I feel like that there's so many things going on in my mind all the time. Sometimes I get frustrated over them. I know that I can pour out to God (and I did), it's just that, it's stiil there, deep deep down. I keep telling myself that I have to trust Him, that I CAN trust Him. But why do I still feel like I need to rely on my own strength? You know, people used to think that I'm a strong person. That though I can appear gentle on the outside, but inside it's like a solid rock. Yes it's true to a certain extend but it only happens because God is inside me. Whenever I choose to rely on my own strength, actually I'm very weak. I can breakdown easily(some of my friends had seen that side of me). I need to have faith. I need to know that there's a solid rock inside my heart that will never fail me. Yes, I may appear funny, crazy, smiling alot. But sometimes I cry quite alot when I'm alone.

Anyway, that's all I have today. Think I'll stop here. Just want to say to my family and friends, thank you for being there. You guys cheer me up even though you may not realise it. Thank you and I love you all.

They have gotten me thinking so much

Yes they are naughty
Yes they are hard to control
Yes they have an attention span of no longer than 30 minutes
Yes they can run 10 times longer and faster than you can
Yes they can scream louder than you
Yes they ask you alot of questions ( especially about yourself)
Yes at least 1 person have to cry a day
Yes some of them can eat more than you can

BUT...

Yes they are so adorable
Yes no matter how naughty they are, you can never get upset and angry
Yes they are still so innocent to me
Yes they still want you to play with them
Yes they still want your attention
Yes they still need your affection
Yes they have so much more to learn
Yes they will always be so much fun
Yes I still love them so so so much
Yes they will always be little darlings to me

At the end of the day, I will walk home feeling happy, light hearted and smiling. It is all worth it.

What if it is all just a dream? + Updates of me

I've often wondered if what I've always wanted, dreamed, hoped for are all just meaningless desires. Yes, I'm a girl who dreams alot, who wants to touch the world, but sometimes I feel like that is not for me. God did not plan it out for it to be this way. What if it is all just my own fantasy? My own selfish desires? Man! I wish I knew what's the plan for my life! Haha, ya I do get frustrated sometimes. But I want to be grateful to the fact that I have a God who cares and will lead me the right path. That's the only truth I can hold on to for now.

Okay, oh guess what. I'm so back into exercising again. Yup my love for running is back! Since now is the school holidays, I'm aiming to run at least twice a week (mon and thur). Hope it'll be successful. I remembered when I was in school, I used to love 2.4km run. Everytime there's a 2.4km run for PE I'll be very happy (ya while the rest of class will start scolding the teacher). Haha, I am the fastest girl in my class okay! haha nothing to be proud of (not like I've won $1 million or something).

Oh, the kids left only 1 week of school holidays :( yup then it's back to the normal study routine again. Well, what can I say, this is the life of a Singaporean! I wish to start school soon too. I feel like this holiday is so long. Which reminds me, I have not plan on what modules to take next semester. Sigh. You know, I've actually thought of taking another theatre module. I mean I love to act, but what stops me is the fact that I'm afraid that I cannot handle the stress. Theatre modules are usually quite heavy and having already taken 1 module in my first semester had already indicated to me that it is stressful and time consuming. Anyway, I still have to start planning soon. Psych is already enogh to kill my brain cells!

Haha. Okay that's all for this post. I'm just rambling.

"Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living"
1 LIFE. LIVE IT OR BREAK IT!

Living in an innocent world?

To be as shrewed as snakes but yet at the same time, we have to be as innocent as doves.

Difficult to follow, but true. It reminded me of how I live my life. Am I somebody who thinks and acts wisely or am I somebody who thinks the world is just full of flowers and everybody is sweet and nice? I guess I'll be naive if I continue to hold on to the second option. Honestly, sometimes I have no idea why God put me to be in certain places, to go through certain situations, to meet certain people...If I can see Him face to face, I would ask Him 'why?'...why did you give me these? I agree that sometimes God works in ways I can never understand, all I can do is to continue to trust Him...that's all.

Coming to a different point, haha I must say that ever since I've started volunteering in a childcare centre I've really come to love children ALOT! Honestly, being with them is like in TellyTubby Land all over again. Yes, they od have their naughty moments, but I still see them as such innocent children. their mistakes are innocent. That's why we have to teach them to do the right thing. Haha. I loved it when they grab my hand and want me to show affection to them. I love it when they climb onto my lap with a storybook and asked me to read it with them. I love it when they pull me and ask me to play with them. I love it when they call me 'Jia Yee Jie Jie' But best of all, I love it when they look me in the eye and say, "Jie Jie, I love you". It will make my heart melt. Just melt infront of them, at that spot, at that moment. Aww...so cute! Seriously, I adore every single one of them.

Yeah, I do wish at times that life would be that sweet, that simple, that innocent. But it is not. In fact it never will be. What pastor said was true. We are living in a world of wolves and the only option we can choose is either to be like one of them, or to be different and choose to reach out to them instead. I want to be a blessing to anybody that I meet. It is not easy, but it's just my personlity, the way I want to live my life. Anyway, I must say that I have no regrets volunteering in Lakeside Before and After School Day Care. I will treasure every moment of my time there. Thank you God for placing me there to serve your children.

The end of year 1

okay, so I'm down with flu again. Got it on the first day Singapore confirmed its first H1N1 case. (Tuesday) haha don't worry, I do not have swine flu. Mine's just a common cold. I'm trying my best to recover as fast as I can because I want so much to go down to the childcare centre on monday. Hope that I will be better, really don't want to spread it to the little kids. POOR THING!

okay, what I want to say is...today's message is dedicated to a very special person. That person has answered my prayers, He never ever fail to surprise me, He remain faithful to me even though I've disobeyed Him or complained....He has taught me so many lessons and I want to say a big big thank you. You have always been with me, you have never left me, you never ever stop believeing in me and I want to never ever stop believing in you too.

Thank you for seeing me through my first year. I couldn't have done it without you.

Even if I didn't say it, I hope that you still can see it in my heart.

Lessons from Good Friday Event

My church had decided that this year's Good Friday was to be celebrated as a cell-based event. I must say that it was indeed a rather different and crazy experience for me. It was a time of mad rush, getting things organised in the midst of our busy schedules. I still remeber the Christmas party that we had last December. We had alot of time to plan for that one since it was during the holidays. But for this one it was so near our tests and exams, nonetheless God works in miracle ways and beyond what I can ever imagine. All in all, it was a great experience for me. Even though on the actual day itself I was busy fetching people from khatib mrt to the funciton room(which is quite a long walk away) and missing alot of the activities, I think that was God's role for me.

I've tried to invite friends for the campus party but got rejected. I've been trying to reach out to this girl but even up till Good Friday I was not successful. I couldn't understand why until on Friday itself. God knew that I'll be really busy on that actual day. Too busy to take care of Carina, and it'll be too rush for me to meet my friends for the campus event in the evening. God knew that it was too much for me to handle and hence did not want to stress me out. At first I was quite disappointed that I didn't managed to invite anybody, but now I'm thankful. Honestly, it's not the numbers that concerns God, it is my heart, my faith. Even though I couldn't bring friends to the event, but I keep on trusting God to change my heart, my attitude. Guess what, on Easter Sunday (just yesterday) on of my girl's mum invited their neighbour to church and asked me to look after their 2 adorable daughters during service. I know that God is working in their lives and I want to thank God for Si Hui's mum for reaching out to them.

You see, I finally understand now that I don't have to rely so much on my own strength, my strength can only do this much. But God's strength is so much more. And all I have to do is ot obey Him, trust Him and He will provide the desires of my heart. I always know this in my head, but never in my heart. But I think this is the lesson that God wants to teach me on this very Good Friday and Easter Sunday.

Thank You Jesus for being so patient with me. Thank you for this beautiful lesson, thank you for your willingness to mould me. I want to understand your heart. I want to see what you see, to feel what you are feeling.

Some things have to be believed to be seen.
Won't you believe today?

Thanksgiving

So many times, I've felt like I'm not good enough. So many times, I think I did not give you my best. So many times, I have all the wrong thoughts. So many times, I've tried to do things my own way and relied on my own strength.

But yet, all these time, you've remained faithful to me. You gave me strength when I'm weak. You gave me hope when I feel that all is hopeless. You believed in me even though I did not believe in myself. You loved me even though I've disobeyed you.

You are amazing. You are awesome.
And I want to learn to be like you more and more like you each day...If only you would help me to...

Follow your honest convictions, and stay strong
The only journey is the journey within

Dying together is what that makes it all bearable

My lecturer gave a report on monday and we have to complete it by tomorrow 6pm. I tell you it's crazy especially when there are quite alot of research and analysing needed. We were working on the report the whole day today. Started at 10am with my 4 WONDERFUL and EXCELLENT groupmates and we didn't leave the school till 11pm. haha. Yes you can see now how crazy we can be. There were so many things thay we were unsure of, so many issues to clarify. We kept on trying to figure out how to analyse the graphs, how to draw the links and make good inferences. Trust me, it's tough!

We didn't eat dinner. Had some snacks, but not a full meal. Towards 10pm, we were starting to get high (guessed we were all too tired). But you know what, through it all, it was worth it. It was worth it to spend the whole day with my project groupmates as they are really the best project mates that I can ever find. We worked hard together, try to figure things out together, everybody is just so helpful to each other. Always encouraging, always so accomodating and patient. I love them. Not only did we joke alot, but we also shared with each other our own personal stories and that's what keeps us so united.

Well, I really want to thank God for this great bunch of people (the 3 of them). Because of them, we've managed to complete our project on time. It doesn't matter even if I can't go home the entire night. The time we spent together....It was all worth it. haha

lay kuan, Joey, Yiling.....THANK YOU!

Quote of the day: "A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for."
Sometimes you just need to get out of your comfort zone and find your purpose.

Making the right decision

Have you ever had a feeling where you felt abit uncomfortable with a person but yet choose to accept and help the person? Well, I was in that shoes recently. Let's call this friend of mine A (just to maintain privacy). It's not that I am scared or angry with A. It's just that, even though I knew A as a friend, yet the last time we spoke, A was upset over something and I didn't exactly knew how to respond. We didn't talk alot after that for quite a while.

Well, recently A approached me and asked me if we could do an assignment together(trust me, it is really tough and I still do not have the faintest idea on how to start). At first I was a little afraid and to tell you the truth, I hesitated a bit, just abit. I was afraid that our friendship will get even more weird and I wanted to avoid it altogether. Not that we have argued or something, but just that we havn't spoken to each other for a while and all of the sudden, I was asked to work together, as a team.

Guess what, I said okay in the end. I wanted so much to put my feelings aside and just trust God that everything will turn out fine. That our discussion together will be fun, meaningful and productive. By now you guys would have guessed that our discussion was over and I'm about to tell you how it went. You are right. It was fantastic! We had such a fun time and I'm very sure both of us ended up taking our friendship one step higher :) Though the assignment was tough, yet we joked, laugh and managed to get a headstart. To me that's one of the best feeling I've ever had. I know now that sometimes it is wise to give yourself and your friend a chance to make things right again. If only you'll put your prejudice, your fears, your negative thoughts all aside and choose to take that step of faith. It's not an easy decision to make, but once you've come out victorious, you'll know that it was all worth it. But if it did not turn out the way you wanted it to be, at least you know that you've given yourself and your friend a chance and you'll definitely have no regrets.

However, I believe that if you really believe in something, then go all out to make that believe come true. It's possible so long as you have the right attitude. But that's not the hard part. The hardest part is to take that first step to make that decision to give the situation another chance. That's the crossroad and you have to decide.

You choose.

Quote of the day:
Mind is all that counts. You can be whatever you make up your mind to be.
Nothing is more difficult, and therefore more precious, than to be able to decide.

When your values are clear to you, making decisions becomes easier.

Starting over with a new chapter, a new blog

Hey, I've created a new blog. The reason why I'm doing this is because I want to get rid of the old stuff that I've posted in my previous blog. It was a great blog, just that sometimes I just feel like I've written some really useless things and things that don't mean anything.

So I'm starting all over again. Hopefully this blog will be more meaningful for you guys.
The layout is really simple, haven't changed anything, maybe soon.

Today's Quote:
"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today"
Touch the world with your hands man.